fallenlondonfandomcom-20200215-history
The Unexpurgated Gazette: Hallowmas Edition of 1895
Values # Celebrated Weasel: You feature in the curiosities page. There is a picture of you, with the weasel on your shoulder. The focus is on the weasel; the caption: 'A bringer of much needed joy!' # Pernicious Primate: 'Primates, Principles and Perpetrators.' Huffam holds back nothing in his column on your monkey. It is alongside an illustration of yourself and your monkey. The caption reads: 'CULPABLE' # Minacious Union-Rat: The article on working rats and conditions in London attempts balance, but the author cannot disguise a slightly beleaguered tone. The last paragraph is pointedly cross, and suggests you hold rat life greater than human. Your rat is delighted # Meticulous Henchman: A page is dedicated to the rise in crime across London. Violence is up, but fewer perpetrators are caught. Your henchman isn't mentioned. You, however, feature prominently # Utterly Livid Bat: A front page column – dedicated to the pet-keepers of London. It is surprising how maudlin the paper can get. You are held up as an example of a good pet-companion; others are encouraged to emulate you # Murderous Monkey: The column on your monkey is flattering, but mundane. The page dedicated to you is entirely insulting. But it'll certainly draw attention # Illuminated Rat: Huffam's article alludes to things your rat has not told you. Tut. But the degree of praise he heaps upon you is soothing. You are a guide, a leader, and an encourager to wisdom # Suave Henchman: The column in the second page is dedicated to those Londoners who pursue self-improvement, even in the face of hardship. It encourages better-off Londoners to exhibit generosity of spirit, and of purse. Your henchman is spoken of in glowing terms, you are held up as a shining example. Of the Devils, there is no mention. Huffam was not fooled # Sister Lydia, At Peace With Herself: Unusually for the season, the front page is dedicated to those noble souls who inspire even nuns to better deeds. There is no mention of Lydia – she was oddly coy. But there is a vast illustration of you, and, frankly – you look charming # Midnight Matriarch of the Menagerie of Roses: 'Such wisdom. Such nobility of form. Such hardships endured.' The Matriarch is delighted with Huffam's write-up. So pleased is she that she magnanimously points to a paragraph near the end where you're described as a 'companion beyond measure' and an 'exemplary provider of treats'. That is indeed high praise, from her. Londoners will take note # Yourself: Londoners cannot fail to know your name. The entire newspaper -- except for the births section -- focuses on you. After this attention, you're likely to be the namesake for many newborns, too # A Certificate indicating Feducci's Acknowledgement: You feature on the front page. A handsome picture of you is captioned: 'THE LONDONER WITH THE MAYOR'S EAR'. The article does at least make it clear that the caption is not literal! # Feducci's Lance (Replica): The picture on the front page is of yourself, wielding the lance. The artist has taken some liberties – you could never hold it like that inside. Nevertheless, you look noble and ferocious, and nothing in the column alongside it detracts from that # Arrange an interview with all of your companions 2 The whole menagerie: IS THIS HALLOWMAS? Mr Huffam's front page is bewildered, overwhelmed, almost incoherent. It is clear he had a profound experience. It is clear you were responsible for it. He does not reveal what happened, when left alone in that room.